ARTHURIAN PIE
Parody of "American Pie" by Don McLean
Parody lyrics by Robert Ahrens, David Keefer, & Lance Woods

'Twas so long ago, but I still remember
How the legend used to make me smile.
And I knew, given half a chance,
I'd kill so many with my lance,
That maybe I'd be famous for a while.
But death and bloodshed I'd deliver
With every arrow from my quiver.
All this ruddy hassle
Just to defend one castle.
I remember how he shed a tear
when he heard of Lance and Guinevere,
And something touched me way down here
The day ... the table ... died.

CHORUS:	Hail, hail, to the fellows in mail;
	Slaying dragons, saving damsels,
	Chasing after the grail.
	We fought off evil 'til our faces were pale,
	Wondering if there was a chance we might fail.
	Could there be a chance we might fail?

Hast thou read the
Book of Merlin
With its stories that Sir Rod of Serling
Could have penned for Twilight Zone?
Dost thou believe in legendry
and all those tales of chivalry,
Like the one about the longsword in the stone?
Well, Lancelot came from Paİree
To serve in Arthur's cavalry.
He sweated off his tail
To wear the royal mail.
Then Lance won Arthur's confidence;
He met Queen Guinevere by chance,
And melted through his iron pants
The day the table died.

CHORUS

For several years Lance and the Queen
Had kept their meetings clandestine,
Finding ways to be alone.
'Twas a fateful summer's day
When Mordred heard them in the hay,
And the Frenchman knew his cover had been blown.
Arthur cried, "Swear by Excalibur
That you truly did not lay with her!"
The notion was absurd,
But Lance said not a word.
And so the knight, no longer chaste,
Onto his native soil he raced;
Left Guinevere alone to face
The day the table died.

CHORUS

Convicted of a grave offense
From Mordred's damning evidence,
Guinevere was set to burn.
Arthur loathed his bastard son,
For all his work had been undone,
But he vowed that the tables would be turned.
Then Lance arrived to save the day,
And he carried Guinevere away.
The King was so relieved;
His true love was reprieved.
Then Guinevere became a nun,
Lancelot had no more fun,
And Mordred soon was on the run
The day the table died.

CHORUS

Now I stand guard at this castle door,
Though Arthur reigns not anymore;
Camelot's a memory.
It does my heart good to recall
The mighty kingdom's rise and fall,
And the place it occupies in history.
The spirit of those days, it seems,
Continues only in our dreams;
For there we can enjoy it 
Let no one dare destroy it.
One prophesy from days of yore
Says Arthur shall arise once more,
And make all as it was before
The day the table died.

CHORUS x 2