ATTACKS OF MY SPEAR								JS
(Sung to the tune of "The Tracks of My Tears" by Smokey Robinson)

People say I'm a strong gladiator 'cause I've slain a foe or two
Although I may seem like I'm sure and steady
Here's a diff'rent view
You see I need plenty of space
Can't get too close, won't use sword or mace
In the arena, opponents must face
Attacks of my spear

Six feet two, bright blue
If you see me at the circuses
Actin' like it's just a sport
The truth is quite contrived
'Cause if I come out alive
I have to clean out my shorts!
So nerves of steel are just not the case
Don't want to be on the fu-ne-ral dais
When I'm in combat, opponents must face
Attacks of my spear

Each foe who stands to face me,
At first begins to chase me,
I point my spear,
And let them get near,
Their pride has undone them,
I stop and they run themselves through!
Ave!  Ave!  So I keep out of the race
I fool the fans by winning with grace
No other weapon could ever replace
Attacks of my spear

Maybe I'll be famous if I keep plenty of space
Between my foe and his killing embrace
Must keep my cool while opponents must face
Attacks of my spear
Let me win my freedom as I keep plenty of space
Can't get too close, won't use sword or mace
In the arena, opponents must face
Attacks of my spear