BOY'S BEST FRIEND IS HIS MOTHER		LW
(Sung to:  "One Thing Leads to Another" as performed by ?)

In a tavern	
In my hometown	
Friends were toasting me and my fame;
And then a loudmouth,
A former rival,
Tried to smear my family name.
Well he was drunk as a skunk,
He had always been a punk,
But he was hard to ignore.
So I asked him to quit
And he called me a twit,
But when he mumbled
Á Ásomething else,
I grabbed him:
"You spoke of me
"Offensively,
"Then you mentioned another!
"Sirrah I expect you to
"Display more respect
"When you speak of my mother!"

Well, he sat down
And brooded
For a couple minutes
and then,
I had to fight to
Control my temper©©
He started shooting off
his mouth again!
He called my father a hog,
Said my sister was a dog,
And that I needed a bra!
But he pushed me enough
And I decided to get tough
The moment he stood up and screamed,
"Your mama!"
"I hope, Milord,
"You've got a sword!
"Don't try running for cover!
"Push has come to shove,
"Now taste the back of my glove!
"No man insults my mother!"

He was plastered
But still a fast draw.
We began to fight by the door.
Then he got in
A lucky shot and
He knocked my sword across
the tavern floor!
Then a big hairy hand
Picked him right up by his can,
An beat him 'til he was numb!
When I turned 'round to find
My assistance from behind,
Instead of "Thank you,"
I just said,
"Hello, Mum!"

He liked to tease,
Now he's deceased.
I tried warning him of her!
I am telling all of you
The adage is true:
A boy's best friend is his mother!