CASTLE TRANSYLVANIA
Parody of "Hotel California" by Dan Felder, Glen Frey, & Don Henley
Parody Lyrics by Lance Woods

Long ago in November
On a dark, stormy night,
Clouds blocked out the full moon,
Lightning coursed through the sky.
I was lost in the forest
Until I noticed a light.
But it was coming from a mountaintop
That I was too weak to climb.
As I started to falter,
I heard a sound approach
And suddenly before me stood
A team of black horses drawing a coach.
When I looked for the driver
There was none to be found,
But the carriage door had opened up,
And I heard this sound ...

	"Come on up to Castle Transylvania!
	Not a thing to fear.
	You're expected here.
	We've plenty of room and the best food in the area!
	Come on up tonight,
	And we'll have a bite!"

I was in no mood to argue.
I got my heiİney inside.
We reached the top in twenty seconds flat.
(Real short ride.)
Then a voice said, "Good evening,
"I am your host."
Tall, dark; had a nice smile.
(But pale as a ghost.)
So he showed me his castle,
Then asked me to dine
And said, "Help yourself to the Chardonnay, for
"I do not drink wine."
And when the wolves in the forest began to bay,
He said, "Ah, it's the children of the night!
"Can you hear them sa-ay?

	"Hello there in Castle Transylvania!"
	He was full of glee,
	Then he turned to me
	And said in a voice just as smooth as anesthesia,
	"You look very tired.
	"You should now retire ..."

Later in my bedroom,
My blood ran cold as ice.
I thought:  There is something sinister here,
Even though he's nice.
So I sneaked down the staircase
To the li-bra-ry
To search the volumes for a clue
To my host's i-den-ti-ty.
"I can see I've scared you,"
He said, un-ex-pec-ted-ly.
"I'm not that fellow Dracula,
"But he lives right up the street.
"Relax, I'm a nice man!  I don't want to suck your vein!
"My name's Baron Victor Frankenstein,
"And I just want your brain!"

	Come join us at Castle Transylvania
	Where it's understood,
	"Fire bad; bread good."
	It's kind of a health club at Castle Transylvania.
	When they're done with you,
	You'll be good as new.