ELF CONTROL		LW
(Sung to: "Self-Control" by Laura Branigan)

Them thar hills,
I've been told,
Are just chock
Full of gold!
Dig it out?
Not me, no sir!
I'm a witch,
Not a miner!

There were elves
In my glade.
Threw a spell,
Made them slaves
And they mined.
It was great, dear!
Til the day
That you came here!

I thought you looked 
Peculiar for a knight.
You didn't try 
To kill me at first sight,
I thought you'd sense
My evil and we'd fight.
Instead you asked
If you could spend the night.

And suddenly,
Your knightly guard had dropped!
I kissed you and
You didn't holler "STOP!"
But you just came
To let my servants go.
To break my spell
And take my elf control!

I-- I thought that I'd seduced you artfully,
But now it's clear you were seducing me.
You lulled me into slumber
Then you sneaked into the mines and
You set the workers free!
Come the dawn,
I learned what lay behind your bedroom eyes!
In truth you were a wizard in disguise!
I don't know how it happened
But somehow we changed positions
And I was compromised!  (Oh-ho-ho!)

Since your power was so strong,
You just went,
Said, "So long!"

Then those elves 
Came a-knockin',
And said, "Let's
"Do some talkin'!"

I-- I thought a lynch mob had been organized!
But it was worse than that, I realized!
They said, "We want a health plan!"
And I remember screaming:
"Ye Gods! They've unionized!"
And I learned 
That magic powers don't mean anything
When up against collective bargaining!
They listed their demands and
I offered my concessions
And then we made a deal!  (Oh-ho-ho!)

I didn't want 
To make a fuss, you see.
There's lots of them
And only one of me!
They said, "You let
"Us dig around in there,
"We'll cut you in
"For one nice profit share!"

You got your way
And even I'm surprised!
The elves are free,
But so's my enterprise!
I lease the mines,
They pay me off in gold!
A.F. of Elves!
Hurray for elf control!