THE BALL AT KERRYMUIR	DK
(Sung to "The Ball at Kerrymuir" (traditional))

Four and twenty virgins came down from Inverness.
And when the night was over there were four and twenty less.

CHORUS:(Singin') Yer balls to yer partner, yer ass against the wall;
	If you've never been out to Kerrymuir, you've never been out at all.

There was doin's on the porches, and doin's on the stones.
You couldna' hear the music for the loud and joyful moans!

CHORUS

The royal jester, he was there, but he was fast asleep.
The ladies wouldna have him, and we'd run clean out of sheep!

CHORUS

A drunken druid stumbled in, his sickle in his hand
And everytime he swung around, he circumcised the band.

CHORUS

Lars the Viking, he was there; it was a bloody shame
He did a lassie twenty times, but never caught her name.

CHORUS

"What the hell's a 'sporran'?" a lassie loudly begged.
Someone said, "It's the hairy thing between a Scotsman's legs!"

CHORUS

The Count and Countess, there they were, a-doin' on the stair.
The bannister broke, and down they fell, but finished in mid-air!

CHORUS

The village pervert he was there, a©scratchin' at his crotch.
But no one minded him at all, he was only there to watch!

CHORUS

The village magician he was there; he gave us all a laugh
He pulled his foreskin over his head and he vanished up his ass.

CHORUS